the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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