Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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