I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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