Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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