I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just found puke in my bra..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
