ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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