She said her name was "party"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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