I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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