before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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