Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
