I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
