he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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