I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
