She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
