I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
