Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
