Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
