You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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