the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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