goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
