let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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