He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
