Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
