I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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