I just saw a hot homeless man
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
