so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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