I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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