Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
