Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
