...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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