moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
