Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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