I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
