i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
