We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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