i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is it penis luge time yet?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
