im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
