if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
