gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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