I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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