Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
