Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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