I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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