who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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