in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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