Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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