Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
