so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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