just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
