I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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