Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
